Perception.

It’s been great being able to have some alone time with my Dad. I never had too much of that growing up since he was always traveling. But, we were talking about the different paths that life takes us down. We started talking about my Grandfather, who, at fourteen years old, left his home in China to work in Thailand. He spent the next eleven years there, working on a river selling goods. He returned to China and picked up my Grandmother when his parents told him that they had a wife for him. They went back to Thailand. after few years, Thailand raised taxes in imports, which my Grandfather primarily dealt with, so they decided to leave, but not before visiting China one more time, with their two young daughters in tow. They left one of my Aunt’s there as collateral; my Great-Grandparents wanted to know that they would go back. They left for Singapore, and never returned. My Grandparents had another eight children in Singapore, the youngest being my father. While nine children were raised in Singapore, the one left behind was raised in China. The same generation, and countries apart. One generation removed, and the worlds we live in are completely different. No more are the old traditions. Instead, they are replaced with modern ideas and values. Nothing wrong, just completely different. My Dad said, “Can you imagine if Grandpa hadn’t decided to leave China? You’d be there right now, working in some rice field with the water buffalo. You certainly wouldn’t be sitting where you are right now.” Where am I sitting right now? In a plane, 41000 feet in the air, on the way back to college in Provo, UT. If my Grandfather hadn’t made that decision, where would I be, what would I be doing? Fate? Destiny? Fatwincidence (fate and coincidence combined)? I don’t know. I probably wouldn’t have been a Mormon, or this or that. Maybe it would all have ended up the same in some, weird way. But, it happened this way, it happened to me, for me. I am who I am today, and where I am today, all because of the decision of one young boy all those years ago.

I could tell you how my Father got from Singapore to the States and yada yada, but that’s a story for another day.

Times fly. Time flies. I don't know how many times I have said that, but it really does. It's been another adventurous year. Four and a half months were spent as a missionary, and rest of the year, as a normal citizen of the world! The mission was wonderful and amazing and everything that I could ever have hoped for. I'm sure that you've gathered from my weekly emails/mission blog, that it was the best decision that I have yet made in my young life! As I have said many times before, it was hard, it was heart-breaking, it was tough, but it was something that I had to do, because I now who what I believe in, I know what is true.

Seven and a half months have gone by since I finished my mission. It has been a blast! Sure, there have been some upsets and disappointments, but life is good. I'm really starting to see it in a different light, a different perspective, understanding that my happiness is really dependent on me. It's so interesting just how life takes its little twists and turns, and how some decisions are life altering. Ok, so maybe I haven't had any particularly life-altering experiences, but I have learned that it's good to take a step back sometimes and realize that things can and will always work out. Sometimes, it really seems like a bad decision made can never be rectified, and so you, well, I, dwell on it and wonder what I could have done. I've been re-reading a book by John Wooden. I would quote the whole book, but.. yeah... so here’s one of my favorites, and since it's related to what I'm talking about....

You can always look back and see where you might have done something differently, changed this or that. If you can learn something, fine, but never second-guess yourself. It's wasted effort.

I'm learning that bit by bit, and hoping that I really can master my emotions so that when something like that happens, I know that things can't change. I can't go back in time and change things that have already happened, decisions that I have already made. But, as my Mission President always reminded me, I can react to a certain situation in a certain way. So, I’m going to take what I can learn from those experiences and move on, though it is terribly hard to sometimes. How do you get rid of thoughts and memories that have affected you so? Anyone?

In my little mortal mind and heart, it’s sometimes hard to give up the things that are dear to your heart. But, from a slightly more spiritual standpoint, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said,

So, as a new year starts and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future.

It is with that mindset that I hope that I can take that in mind and apply it, so that I have the fortitude and strength to accomplish the things that the Lord has in store for me, whether or not I like it. Sometimes, I feel that Heavenly Father doesn’t have control of lives completely, that He just lets things happen. but then I realize that if I didn’t believe that, then my faith would not be worth living. Everything does happen for a reason, Heavenly Father does answer every single prayer, and He is always mindful of us.

Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.

I have faith then, because of my testimony, I have faith, because of the things that I have seen God do for me, seeing His hand in my life. I am blessed, oh so blessed to be where I am and to be able to have what I have. Thought. I’m reading a book right now titled Mao’s Last Dancer. As the author describes what he had to go through as he was growing up as a young child, hardly any clothes, or food, or a bed to sleep in, I am reminded of just how blessed I am, to have that and more. Sure, material things can’t make up for the occasional emotional mess that I might be in, or for that something that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. But, I am so blessed by a long Heavenly Father who has provided me with so much through my Earthly parents.

With that in mind, I know that I will be blessed this year. I'm where I am for a reason, here, at BYU, meeting people, and studying and being happy. I have a purpose here, which I'm supposed to figure out and fulfill. Grandpa was inspired in his own way so that I could be where I am today. So, some will be expected, others will be surprises. But some things I do know and have faith in. I have friends who love me and are there when I need them, I have family who are my angels on this Earth. Most of all though, and I know I've said this more than once. I know that I have a Heavenly Father and Brother who love me perfectly and who want me to be happy. So, what can I do? I can do what Heavenly Father wants me to do, trust in Him.

With that in mind for this day and week, and month, and new year, I am
on
my
way.

-eechie.