Perception.

Over the past semester, I've heard plenty of girls talk about/complain (that depends on how you look at it) about the way guys treat them, about how they're never asked out on dates, about how they aren't treated with respect, and a plethora of other male-related topics. I certainly sympathize with some of them, who are truly amazing, and things just aren't working out. To those of them, this is for you.

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

But, girls also need to understand what guys go through, our point of view, and how they can perhaps help us out too. You'll probably have heard about some of the things I'll talk about, but there are other things that hopefully the girls can learn from too.

I've been dating around these past few months. Things have worked out sometimes, but for the most part, they haven't really. So, I've been trying to figure out what the heck I've been doing wrong, and honestly, it's sometimes downright depressing trying to figure out what's wrong with yourself, because you think you're doing everything right, but it sure isn't producing any results. So, I though, "Am I too forward? Too short? Too funny? Too.. too?" Along with that though, I've been rather shocked by the way some of the girls have treated me on dates, response when asking them out on a first, or second date, and the weird little nuances and signals they seem to send.

I suppose there's two parts to this post, the date, and my personal feelings about me:

So, part 1:
Things that I have learned from Frosh year, till now.

The Date:

#1. Being asked out
Some girls mention how they are never asked out, that guys always just want to hang out. That i totally agree with. sometimes, it is totally lame when all a guy wants to do is hang out and never asks a girl out on a date. That is downright acceptable. but, sometimes, a guy wants to get to know the girl first. I've made the mistake of dating without actually really getting to know a girl first, being a friend, and being comfortable around another so that when a guy actually asks a girl out, there's a kind of friendship, and each knows a little about one another. Anyhow, to the point: It is HARD. It is hard for guys to ask a girl out. It is nerve-wrecking. There are the "what ifs", the "what if nots." No matter how easy a guy makes it look, it is never easy. Girls are sad when they never get asked out. They say they don't want to ask a guy guy out even if they're interested because it's scary, and what if he says no? So, when a guy asks a girl out and the girl says no, it hurts. Really.

#2. A girl's response
If you aren't interested in a guy, let him know in a kind way. Kudos to the girls who tell a guy that they aren't interested. Instead of "Oh, I'm busy tonight", or, "I have dinner with my roommates planned for the next 5 months," or "My Mom's calling me at 7, and I'm talking to her till 10 on a Friday night..." Ok, maybe those are a little exaggerated. But, don't beat around the bush and give the guy hope! Save yourself and save him the time and discomfort. But, when you do it, again, do it nicely. Example: You're a great guy, but I'm just not interested that way." or "I think you're a great friend, would it be alright if we stayed as friends?" It this Friday, but if you can't but want to, let him know. "I can't go this Friday, but I would be free next weekend!" or "I can't on Saturday, but try again!" and a smile... ah, that one's good. :)

#3. The actual date
If you say yes, well, yes! Remember, you agreed to this date, so whether it's a pity date, or you're slightly interested, or even if you're dead certain he's your husband-to-be, follow these simple rules of etiquette.


How to be a good date (or not):
(a) The guy's going to ask you questions about yourself. Assuming that he doesn't phrase them as such, still answer with one word answers.
(b) When he asks you questions about yourself and he pauses, he might expect a question from you. Please sit there and twiddle your thumbs an/or look at the ceiling. You agreed to the date, but, who cares? You aren't interested, or in who he is as a person.
(c) Walk two feet behind your date and act like you don't want to be seen with him.
(d) Don't let him open the door for you, or,
(e) Make him open every door for you, even the car door when you're getting out
(f) Talk about your ex-boyfriend and compare him to your date

When a guy asks you out, he's taking a chance. Please treat him with some respect. Talk to him, get to know him. Whether or not you're interested romantically, he's still human, and... guess what? A friend! Show that you at least think he's a decent guy, and let him be a gentleman. It means so much to us to be able to treat a daughter of God with respect. But, we're sons of God too.

#4. Right after the date
Let him walk you to your door. Don't run in like he's some disease laden parasite. If he is, well, ok, maybe run. Let him tell you that he had a great time, and give you a hug, then go in. Thank him for the date. He put in time, effort, money, emotion. Be polite, be lady-like. If you like him, or you appreciated the date, send that follow-up text. It's nice and brings a smile to our faces.

#5. The follow-up
Again, as with #2, don't beat around the bush. If he's interested, chances are, he'll ask you out again, either at the door, or a few days later. If you don't think he's right for you, something like this would work. "I had a great time with you on the date, and it was way fun (assuming the date was halfway decent), but I feel that we would be better as friends. Thanks so much!" Don't lead him on, don't be afraid of hurting his feelings. If you do it the right way, it'll be alright. If you're interested, well, you know what to do.

Part 2:
I mentioned earlier that I've been on a lot of dates. What I mean by that is that I've been on a lot of first dates. Some of the dates go well, some don't as much, but the one thing they have in common is that most of the time, the girl isn't interested in a second date. It's alright the first few times, but then you just get confused. I've worked on the height thing, as in, I ask out shorter girls. but, beyond that, I'm not really sure. I am sick and tired of going on dates and being shot down. I hate being "the friend" that every girl can talk to but not date. I need to just slow down and hang out. It's sickening when I see guys who are jerks with some of these girls and i think "Wow, they really don't deserve them." But then again, it's not for me to judge. But, when I'm (think I am) doing my best to be a good guy, a good priesthood holder, and treating girls with respect, I almost feel that I should just be a jerk. A girl who I went on a few dates with apparently wasn't treated very well by her boyfriend even though she put in a lot of effort into the relationship, but she's still attached. I don't know why. I was talking to one of my good friends, Kyle, and I mentioned to him that perhaps I should be more rude, arrogant, jerkish, then maybe it would be better. He said, "Don't, don't be a jerk. There's a nice girl out there who wants a nice guy like you." I'm not tooting my own horn and saying that I'm perfect, but I hope that in some way, I'm measuring up to my personal beliefs of how women should be treated. Actually, here's a really good post on an danoah.com about how we need to treat the women in our lives better as the beauties that they are.

I have that hope that there is a girl out there who I can be compatible with, who I can laugh and be happy with, who I can call my best friend and the love of my life. I know that there's a plan that Heavenly Father has for me. and, as always, as I have faith in him, and exercise that faith, things will work out the way that they're supposed to, where I can be happy. Call me a sappy romantic, call me what you want, but it will be awesomely wonderful when I find that girl. Anyhow, I hope that this post wasn't too preachy! Let me know what you think!

-eechie