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Thirty at ThirtEe #10: Kindness is a Choice

By 7:46 PM

I've been struggling to write this post for awhile - writer's block. Tried a few rounds of these long posts that go and on. But, I realised with kindness, there doesn't need to be that much to it. It's a simple post without flair.

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I have four favorite examples on kindness that have shaped my feelings on kindness, and help me remember to be kind when sometimes, it can be a bit harder to be.

1. Family Motto
One thing I've seen some of my Mormon friends and their families have is a family motto - something that they teach the kids growing up, and ground them in. When I have my own family one day, I already know what mine is going to be one day - "work hard and be kind."

When Conan O'Brien left NBC's tonight show a few years ago, it wasn't under the best of circumstances, but his last monologue towards the end really hit home for me.

"All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."

2. Helping Others
I was reading this story about how this waitress in Singapore who, as a single Mom, was working really hard but did not have enough to tide things over. One of the regulars at the restaurant noticed her gloom and had asked her how she was doing and she had told him a bit about her situation.

When she gave the bill that day, the customer left her with a $2,000 tip. She intially didn't want to take it, but his response was, "We have two hands, one is to work hard and the other is to help others."

I don't think, nor do I think most of us can be that generous, but I think one thing I can do is to be kind in smaller amounts, and in simpler ways. And, if we are fortunate to help others, we should, that's our blessing in life, and something for us to share.

My college professor once recounted a time when he was in a third-world country. A woman with a kid was asking for a handout, and when he looked in his wallet, saw that he had the equivalent of $10 as his smallest note. He had only wanted to give a dollar or two, so he walked away. Then it hit him - that $10 meant nothing to him, but it meant the world to that woman and her kid, he went back and promptly gave that to her.

A quote from the waitress also said about the man that gave the $2000 tip:
"However, I am really touched because he always clears his own plates, telling my colleagues that it's okay and to relax. Whenever I serve wealthy people, they are usually very proud. But.... is humble and always greets us, saying thank you and everything."


That's what I hope people say about me. Those are the little bits of kindness, and courtesy, that I hope to show others every day.

3. Empathy
"Always be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about."

This is something that I struggle with. I often get annoyed or riled up, especially when I'm driving. Or, someone's snarky and I take offense to it. The thing is, most of the time, people aren't rude on purpose. Or, if they seem annoyed, it's not you (some of the time). One way or another, being kind is ALWAYS a good thing. If I retaliate to someone making a snide comment or being rude (in my eyes), it just makes the situation worse, never better. Being able to empathise, and remembering that people have their own trials and tribulations and issues makes it easier to always be kind with someone and make their day just that much better.

4. Kindness is a Choice
Trying to sum up Jeff Bezos' story about kindness is a bit hard, but the gist of it is (and you should read this commencement speech anyway), is that he made a comment as a kid that he thought he would be praised for, but instead made his grandmother cry.

His grandfather, who has never once scolded him, only uttered this sentence in response. “Jeff, one day you’ll understand that it’s harder to be kind than clever.”

And, as Bezos said is there is a "difference between gifts and choices. Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice."

We choose to be kind, I choose to be kind. No matter what the situation is, whether it's something as simple as clearing the table at the hawker center to help the old uncle or auntie out, or turning the other cheek when someone is yelling at you, kindness is always a choice.

I don't profess to be perfect at this, noy by a long shot, but one of my goals, my life goals, is to be kind. Little acts of kindness that make the world a better place.

I hope that when people happen to be talking about me, they'll say things like, "Ee Chien's nice, funny, wild, a bit wacky sometimes. But, the thing that's coolest about Ee Chien is that he's kind."

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Work hard and be kind, and amazing things will happen.


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