Perception.

When one reaches certain milestones in life, one takes the time to look back and see where life has taken you thus far. As I approach 30, I've been taking some time to look at the past, the decisions made and lessons learned - this one are some of my reflections on my path away from Mormonism, and losing my religion. This post is a long one, so skip what you'd like.

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Most of you know I spent the vast majority of my life growing up as a Mormon (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). I haven't actively participated in the church for 4 years now. Some have wondered and asked. Losing the religion of your youth, your formative years is not an easy thing. It is hard and heart-wrenching. Imagine giving up two years of your life to teach something you no longer believe in, it is hard.

From a young age, I tagged on with a family friend to the church. At that time, my Mom was not actively participating, but wanted me to go along to learn good values. My Dad's never been a part of the church. 

Church was fun - we sang songs, had lessons about God, and I had a good group of friends there. When I graduated from high school, I was almost 19, and my parents told me it would be best for me to serve my mission, then do four straight years of college. While I was at the Missionary Training Center in Manila, my Dad called. He wanted me to stop the mission thing, and come back home. I refused. Landing back in Singapore (where I had been called to be a missionary), my parents were waiting for me there. They told me they had spoken to Church leaders, and I had been taken off my mission. Devastated, I headed to BYU a couple weeks into the semester, ending with terrible grades that year, though I suppose that's beside the point. I was determined to go back on my mission, the experience of losing it strengthened my faith even more. I was convinced that God was just giving me a trial that I had to overcome. It strengthened my faith. With my mom, we convinced my Dad, and I headed back out into the mission field June 2008.

Before my mission, I had read a bunch of things online with what Mormons consider to be "anti-Mormon literature). It dealt with historical, social and cultural issues that the Church has. Reading that actually helped me strengthen my belief as I read apologists perspectives, as well as chatting with other people. It allowed me, on my mission, to better explain to people our perspective as similar challenges based on these assertions came about as we met people. The mission was tiring and tough, but it taught good lessons, wonderful friendships, and I learned a lot about myself and what I can accomplish if I put my mind to it. Also, I thought that one of the things I had developed was an unshakable faith in the religion, in the Church.

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I headed back to BYU after my mission full of faith. I jumped right back into Church, with its lessons and activities. All was well. It wasn't till my senior year of college that things started to go downhill just a bit. The thing is, there wasn't a turning point, there wasn't one big comment or event or historical fact that took my down a different path.

One by one, precept by precept, I came to understand certain things bout the Church that doesn't jive with my view of Christianity, of how the Jesus I know would act and treat his children, or allow his disciples and leaders on Earth to act.

To illustrate where I'm coming from, I'm providing a few examples here. Please note that this is my personal interpretation. For facts, please, please read the CES Letter.

All this wouldn't be a huge problem for me, knowing that while God is perfect, his followers and leaders of His Church aren't. BUT, when a church claims they are the only true church on this earth, and continue to received modern-day revelation from God, that's where, for me, it gets rather hairy. From something where there can be big mistakes and issues, there shouldn't be.

A few examples:

Polygamy/Polyandry - I'm actually not opposed to the practice, but how it happened, and what transpired irks me. In a church essay on polygamy, it states that, "The revelation on marriage required that a wife give her consent before her husband could enter into plural marriage. Nevertheless, toward the end of the revelation, the Lord said that if the first wife “receive not this law”—the command to practice plural marriage—the husband would be “exempt from the law of Sarah,” meaning that he should just marry another wife anyway.

Blacks and the Priesthood - this is one that the Church has always struggled with. For more than a century, church leaders taught as doctrine, that blacks could not be full members of the church because of the curse of Cain. Fast forward more than a hundred years later, the Church changed its stance, stating that it was a policy, and they aren't 100% sure why this was the case. We know why.

While Joseph was fairly progressive, and gave Blacks the priesthood, Brigham Young was a blatant racist. To quote him,

"You must not think, from what I say, that I am opposed to slavery. No! The negro is damned, and is to serve his master till God chooses to remove the curse of Ham."

The Church tries to paint its historical position, in an American Racial Culture. But, again, the church purports that its prophets received revelation from God. I don't claim to know the will of God, but there have been countless times in the Bible, and Book of Mormon, where God's people went against the teachings or feeling of the day. For more than 100 yaers, the church and its leaders, though apparently directly inspired by God, chose to uphold this morally reprehensive act, when God's church often stands against what is wrong. 

Richard R. Lyman - The church claims the spirit of discernment, where it's leaders can sense, tell, when something is wrong, and God reveals to His prophets to ensure the church and its leaders stay on the straight and narrow. For 18 years, an apostle committed adultery, till he was caught and ex-communicated. For 18 years, he sat side-by-side with prophets and apostles, giving talks and counseling people, with no one non the wiser.

The Church and Gays/Lesbians - Today, the Church has chosen a new group of people to marginalize, from Blacks, on to the LGBT community. While the world moves in strides and understands that biologically, people are born with their sexual orientation, the church and its leaders continue to preach that it is a challenge that God has given them to overcome. Children, whose parents are gay, are not allowed to be baptized till they are of legal age, though the church itself states that it is a commandment to baptize them at age 8, and the Bible teaches that the sins of the fathers should not apply to their children.

I have a confession. Do you know? I used to be afraid of gay people. I would cringe when they seemed more effeminate or masculine (depending on gender). That was solely because of what the church taught me growing up. Then I started being friends with them and realized how we're all just the same people.

Tithing - While the Church owns more than $32 billion in equities alone, with billions more in real estate and other investments, the current prophet commands that paying tithing is the way out of poverty - commanding Africans in poverty stricken countries, no less.

"We preach tithing to the poor people of the world because the poor people of the world have had cycles of poverty, generation after generation," he said. "That same poverty continues from one generation to another, until people pay their tithing."

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I don't have anything against the Church per se. The majority of members I have met are good, kind, caring and God-fearing people, who have their own beliefs, and I respect each and every one of them for that. One thing that irks me though, are people who speak to me and other people who have left that left the church in a condescending or pitying manner.

To be clear about this: Yes, from your perspective, it seems that I have left the straight and narrow path, and you're sad that if I don't return to the Church one day, that we won't get to hang together in the Celestial Kingdom. Please, please do not feel sad for me. I am so much happier, and so much more at peace than when I was actively participating in the Mormon church. I see so clearly now. Once, I saw things in black and white. As I started my journey out of the church, I saw things in shades of grey. Now, I get to see life in so many different colors. I am grateful for that.

I wrote a Facebook post about this a couple years ago, and I'll end with it again.

1. I am happy and at peace with who I am and where I’m at. Telling me that I’m missing out on true happiness does not help me, nor does it help you. Your "missionary work" is pushing people away, not drawing them in. Please be my friend, assuming that I’m not happy presumes that anyone outside the LDS faith cannot be truly happy, and that is not true. No religion has a monopoly on true happiness, because each person finds it in their own way.

2. Making comments suggesting that I should come back so I can be “prepared to meet my maker” or pick myself up because we all “trip from time to time” is condescending and uncalled for. Just because I don’t believe the LDS/Mormon Church is the end all be all does not mean that I have “sinned” or am not a real Christian. People (including me) who have stopped attending church have real and honest questions that would be better served with thoughtful and respectful answers, rather than assumptions that presuppose some sort of sin or lack of trying.

I don't expect you to stop attending Church, I respect, love and appreciate the positive aspects of it along with the life lessons I've learned; but, please realise that I need for you to accept where I am at this moment. Don't judge me. Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me how to feel. I am mourning a great loss because I’ve lost something that’s been a part of my life and who I’ve been for the vast majority of my life. It's not a path easily chosen.

I do have full and abiding faith in Jesus Christ. That’s all that matters to me, and I hope that's what matters to you too. I want to be your friend with no conditions attached, I love you for you, please love me for being me.

If you ever want to have a respectful and healthy discussion about my doubts, I’m always happy to chat. Thank you!

Ending here with one of my favorite LDS children's songs. That's all that matters.