As a missionary for the LDS church, I spent two years speaking with different people about the church, and asking them to meet with us to learn more about the teachings of the church. More often than not, we were ignored, but there were some that were willing to meet up with us. They came from different backgrounds and various religions. At the end of the day, our goal was to have them read the Book of Mormon because we teach that reading and believing in it is what leads to conversion. Along with that, we would sometimes run into people that were a little more than hostile towards us at the church. We would inevitably ask them if they had read the a Book of Mormon or had visited our website etc.

Their answer was always no. Our response?

"How can you tell us what we believe is wrong if you haven't read the Book of Mormon? How are you forming your own opinions without looking at it from our point of view?"

When we spoke to those willing to meet with us, we would challenge them up read the Book of Mormon, we said, because, they could only know if it was true if they took the time to read it.

Young Adults
As I have thought about that in the years in my mission, I feel that that in the long run, cultural viewpoint is more damaging then positive. The church loses the majority of its members when they are in their 20s, as they learn more about themselves and the world around them.

I believe that a good number of these young adults leave because they have never been given the opportunity to question their faith. A good number of them have spent their lives growing up in the church, and have never had the opportunity to learn anything about the church other then what their parents and community have taught them. Sudden exposure to teachings that are otherwise different from what they grew up learning throws them for a loop. Their faith and belief in the church and its teachings, then, was not true faith, but blind faith.

It's not their fault that that faith was blind. It was the mindset of the environment they were brought up in.

Church Stance on Anti-Mormon Literature
The church discourages church members from reading anti-Mormon literature, as a church publication targeted towards teenagers put it, it "would be a waste to spend a lot of time and energy reading it." The article goes on to say "honest inquiry is good, but everything needs a proper perspective and context." I agree with that, but I believe the church has been lacking in providing that proper perspective. There isn't the sense that open discussion is kosher.

In the church, there's a stigma against it. Why tempt Satan, they say. If you know the church is true, there's no point reading it, it will just shake your faith. Another another church member has said in relation to this topic: "Stick with your feeling of not wanting to read it. If you do read it, it could open up a window of doubt."

Some say they read anti-Mormon literature because they want to know how to respond to it, and the response I've heard over and over again that the way to respond to people against the church is to bear your testimony. While that is important, it's not the end all be all. I'm not suggesting that members should try arguing with antis. No one ever wins. But, bearing testimony about helps as much as arguing.

Church members should consider reading anti-Mormon literature not to be informed so they know how to respond. Rather, they should read it so they start to doubt, then question.

Doubting Thomas by Caravaggio

After the Trial of Your Faith
As the church teaches, true faith is built on the experiences we have and understanding that they are little things that build up people's testimony. But, I believe that a portion of the experiences that build true and lasting faith comes as we doubt it. A person must doubt their faith to truly understand what it is they believe.

In the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Ether was quoted as saying "ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." The general interpretation of that scriptures relates more to those that go through hard times, but still have faith in God after that death in the family or loss of a job. But, there's more than one interpretation to that scripture.

I believe Ether also meant to say that any person cannot have a true witness from God until they have a trial of their faith until you question it. When you question, you doubt. It is in the doubting that one comes to either believe in it more than ever before, or gives up that belief. There isn't a right or wrong answer when it comes to faith, because each person has the right to choose.

I have had a number of discussions with people about the Book of Mormon musical. Some Mormons are adamant that they will never watch it, that it is an affront to the religion. I see it differently, and I believe the church does to. When the musical premiered in New York and London, the church bought advertising space in prime locations around the city, and the musical's playbill itself. The church understood that it was an opportunity to have people learn about the church. In the same light, I've listened to a good number of the songs and think they are hilarious.

Here's my point. If you're comfortable in your religion and know that it is true, then you're not offended. The creators of the musical also created South Park, where they have probably made fun of every religion, and then some. There no malice in it. Those members of the Mormon church who are offended and vehemently opposed to the musical are those who aren't 100% sure of their faith, and so get offended because they don't want to have their faith questioned. They don't know what will happen if they truly question their belief.

Doubt Your Faith
And this comes to the crux of my thoughts. Mormons have to question and doubt their faith to be comfortable with it.

When other people question out beliefs, when they ask us to learn more about their beliefs, it is hypocritical to tell them that we are not interested, whether we do it politely or rudely. Mormons are asked to be member missionaries, to get people to learn more about the church. As full-time or member missionaries, we ask people to take the time to learn more about the church because we know it to be true.

How then can we refuse others if they ask a similar thing of us? We cannot be that prideful or rude to decline. I have seen members do that, saying that they know the church is true, so they don't need to accept religious material from others. Then promptly try to get them to take our material.

People in church often say that it isn't blind faith when you pray and you get an answer, when you read the Bible and get a soft feeling in your heart. I disagree. That is the start, that helps you to understand that good things come from religion, that you feel good inside. I also feel good inside when I watch a touching movie or listen to a TED talk. That doesn't mean that the movie is God speaking to me.

Peter Abelard, a medieval French philosopher said "by doubting we come to questioning, and by questioning we come to truth."

The truth will set you free, right?

Brigham Young, the second prophet of the Mormon church was quoted as saying "I am… afraid that this people [the Mormons] have so much confidence in their leaders that they will not inquire for themselves of God whether they are led by him. I am fearful they settle down in a state of blind self-security."

Yes, it's hard, yes, its scary to doubt, because what if it isn't true? But, if you're so comfortable with your faith and are completely certain is true, then doubting it, reading what detractors say about it won't matter. If you're not sure, then, as the Bible says "Seek, and ye shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you." It's healthy to question, heck, it's necessary.

Through this process, I've developed a better understanding of the church and my belief system, and am stronger in my resolve and beliefs.

Doubt. Question. Believe. Either way you go, you'll be all the better for it.

A couple nights ago, I was getting ready for bed when my roommate asked if I wanted to watch an episode of a TV show. I told him that I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. But, he said "You always go to bed late anyway." I thought about it for a moment, and ended up watching the episode with him.

It wasn't that I woke up any more tired than I would have been (maybe a little), but, as I was driving to work the next day, I thought to myself  -  why am I letting people's impressions or ideas or what they know about me dictate the way I live?

I think that it is a common thing to live to the standard that we are held to. People that have known us for a long time have their preconceived notions about us. That is in no way bad, they are close to us, and thus know us well. But, I think there's an issue in the fact that we sometimes live the standards people set for us, instead of living the standard that we should be setting for our own lives.

We all go through different stages and phrases in life, where we learn and grow and make different choies based on the knowledge we have then. We act in various ways based on our life experiences - the interactions we have with people, the way our parents raise us, the kind of media and entertainment we allow ourselves to partake of.

Here's the thing though. The impression that people have of us are solidified within the first few interactions with us, all the more so with family and friends, and so they treat us the way they always have. One of our family friends knew me as a teenager, and when I spent a few weeks with him recently, I don't think he was trying to treat me like a teenager, but, the kind of interactions we had, and the particular notions he had about my behavior surfaced again in the interactions we had. The same goes with family, my parents, cousins, and other people close to me.

I'll admit it, I was a crazy kid back in elementary, middle, high school - heck, even during my freshman year of college. After coming home from my mission though, I changed, or at least I'd like to think I have somewhat for the better. I work hard, I'm motivated, I want things in life - a good job, a beautiful family, a fulfilling life.

We sometimes hold people back from their true potential, I believe, by holding them to their old selves. But, here's the thing. People want to change, people want to be better than their 16-year old selves. I want to change, I want to be better than my 16-year old self. That maturity and quiet confidence that was severely lacking as I grew up? I want that now.

Telling someone that they should just do this or that because it's what they normally do anyway can prevent them from becoming not just who they might be able to become, but who they want to become. I believe that one of our purposes in life is help people along the way, to enable them. It's the physical help, the spiritual help. Sometimes, it's the emotional help, for want of a better word. It's encouraging them and telling them that we're comfortable with who they are, we love them for who they are. When we do that, then they are not bound by those prejudices, yes, prejudices that might hold them back.

I don't think people do it intentionally. We do that to the people we know and care for because that's the person we know. We're afraid of how that change might affect a multitude of things, but most of all, we're afraid of how that change might affect our relationship with them.

But, changing lives doesn't have to be dramatic or drastic. Frankly, it's not supposed to work that way. It's in those subtle changes where people learn to find themselves. They don't notice it, but you do, right? Those little changes, those improvements, make the man or woman.

So, help your friend, child, sibling, or even parent, along the way. If they want to make a change, let them. It will make all the difference.

What I learned today is that you really have to try your best in everything you do. You cannot be complacent and think you're doing well, because you might be one minute, but not the next, and then you have to try and get out of it, and that's never pretty.

I was looking through my grades this morning and realized as I looked at it that I had an 89.67% in the class. The last time I checked, I had a 96%, and the teacher said I shouldn't worry. There was an assignment I forgot to do which he said I could do for partial credit. Since my grade was good then, I decided not to do it, since it was only 5 points. I emailed my professor about my grade and found out that he wasn't going to round up my grade, and that I'll be stuck with a B+. While I was sorely tempted to beg, I realized that in the end, it really had been my fault. Most teachers round grades up, but this one didn't. A lot of time in life, people and life itself will cut you breaks, but most of the time, it just wont. I complained, I blamed, I could have cried and kicked the wall or sent the professor a hundred emails - but it really doesn't make a difference. At those times, you're either prepared for it or not. I was upset for a while that he wasn't going to round it up. But, that was when I realized that if I had just done that one assignment, I would have been fine.

I thought I would have learned this by now, that complacency can never be an option. My Mom always tells me to do everything I can to get the best grade I can. Mom's always right. Sometimes, you just don't realize how one minute thing at the beginning is going to come back round and take a huge bite out of your butt.

No preparation? No butt guard? Well, smaller butt after, not to mention the huge pain in the ass.

If you don't try, no, scratch that - BE your best in everything you do, if you don't put in all the effort you have, you will regret it. A small homework assignment, cooking a meal, walking the bloody dog, it all counts in its own little way, because it isn't the activity itself that matters, it's your attitude towards it. Never mind that your company didn't its best work out of you, never mind for a moment that you didn't get that A.

At the end of the day, it's not about the grade or about the job you do. It's about your self-worth, that self respect for what you have accomplished. It's about being man (or woman) enough to bring your best to the table so that when you look back at the end of each project, or each day, week, year, whatever, that you have done your very best. It's the only way to live this life.

Your very best, so you have no regrets.

No regrets.

Lesson learned.

Ordainwomen.org is website/movement currently running its course among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that is petitioning the Church to ordain women to the priesthood, which members of the Church believe to be the power of God given to men to lead and perform His work on the earth. The thoughts reflected here are my personal opinion, and in no way reflect the teachings at BYU or of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

As a young professional, my mother had recently graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in accounting with honors. She would later graduate with an MBA in finance from UCLA. When she graduated, she applied for a job as an auditor with the Church. Though qualified and interviewed, she was eventually turned down for the position. The reason she was given was that the Church did not want her travelling around with another auditor who might be male, and be put in a compromising position, while also incurring extra costs for the Church (with hotel arrangements). While that was probably a valid point, my personal feeling is that part of the reason she was turned down was because she was a woman, and, in the LDS Church, men are responsible for the finances. 

In the Doctrine & Covenants, which is a compilation of scripture purportedly given to Joseph Smith through revelation, it stated that the financial affairs of the church were to be presided over by holders of the priesthood, who were men. I'll come back to my Mom at the end. 

Women can and must have an equal place in society. In the workplace and at home, I believe that every family is entitled, if not charged with the responsibility to find the best way if raising their family, whether the man or woman works, stays at home, or even both working if needed. As I read Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In, I am ever more convinced that women need to have their place in society and the world, equal to men, whether in a first or third world country. We must help them have their own voice and right to choice and freedom, especially in societies where their access to free speech and progress in society is oppressed. Women are the backbone of society, and as such should be given full access to educational and vocational pursuits. I think we should have more female leaders, both in corporations as well as in politics. Many of them are far more qualified and intelligent than men are. 

Having said that, the Church is not a secular institution and does not subscribe to that same notion in leadership. The responsibilities of men and women differ in the Church, not as an affront or crutch to women, but as divinely appointed positions that give each gender the ability to rise to their full potential. Who knows, maybe God doesn't give women the priesthood because He knows they'll do a better job then men, and needs us to learn instead. Aside from that thought, women contribute so much to the Church in different ways. As my friend Tal said, we don't know if women will ever have the priesthood even though there hasn't been precedent for that. Maybe it will happen one day. 

My mother has asked me before why women have the priesthood. I used to give her the line that I've always heard - the whole separate but equal thing, that men have the priesthood and women give birth to the children. She still wonders why she didn't get that job. Taking a step back, I've come to the conclusion that perhaps my go-to isn't the answer, and I offer this as my answer, however underdeveloped or unsubstantiated. There's no separate but equal, there's no the men have the priesthood and so women get this. One of my professors emailed me and made this point, which I agree with and that I believe clarifies my stance:

"The many justifications being offered in response to your post are mostly silly and some of them offensive and demeaning towards women. The notion that 'women provide the physical birth and men provide the spiritual birth' is egregious: who is supposedly responsible for raising these children at home and providing the spiritual foundation? Are fathers the only ones, or even primarily the ones, responsible for the 'spiritual birth?' Good marriages and good parenting do not pawn off one or the other aspects of a child's development to one partner or the other. It is a joint venture or nothing at all."

We don't know, and that's exactly why we do our best to understand our belief in God, find peace with it, and live our lives the best that we can. Some will call that blind faith, and I can understand where they are coming on from that. I promise you, though, that much thought has been put not just into this topic, but many other principles and doctrines of the Church. The Church will continue to grow and as it does, it will mature, line upon line and precept upon precept. 


My friend Evan made a good point about a flaw in my logic, that I am making an "argument from authority," a logical fallacy, which, in this case, would say:
1. We have to trust that the leaders of the church are called
2. Which follows from, the leaders say x
3. Which you take forward to, therefore x

This can never be conclusive evidence, Evan said, because the leaders can be wrong. It can be supporting, if the leaders publish their reasons why they have come to a decision.
So, your alternatives are 1) trust them even though they could be wrong 2) try to think about the arguments for and against, and come to your own decision.

To Evan, I say. Yes, I agree. They could be wrong, and I have to be ready for that. But, that is where the divide between faith in a spiritual sense and trust in a secular sense come to a divide. Because I have had experiences that testify (yes, a word with a religious connotation) tell me this is true , and I don't believe it's the dopamine working, then I have a different foundation than other people who cannot see things the way I do, because we are looking at the box from two different angles. She says it's white, he says it's black.

For the moment, members have to trust that the leaders of the Church are called and inspired of God and will lead His Church the way He sees fit. He does all in love and the best interests of His children. There will come a day when we will understand all that God has revealed, and all that He will reveal pertaining to His Kingdom. 

The beauty of the LDS Church is that it believes in continuous revelation, that God continues to speak to His children, that the conduit from heaven is open - it is two way communication. If I may state the point again, there may come a day when doctrine does change, that is the very foundation of the Church,  that as Emerson once said, “God is, not was; that He speaketh, not spake." 

There are many who would claim that the comments I have just made are based on an unfounded belief, that is tied only to faith. To a certain extent, I do agree. I have my doubts every single day. I doubt sometimes whether or not Joseph Smith was a prophet, or a megalomanic. I wonder if the Church I have been brought up to believe has the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, is a farce. This is a daily struggle and one that I hope that we all have as members of the Church, because that is the only way to find out if all this is true. There are so many things that yell to me in my mind that this has to be false, while at other times, the my heart whispers that it is true. If you do not doubt, you cannot believe. 

My faith, I hope, is not a blind one, but one that hinges on experiences that help me to trust that all that He does is for the best for me, as well as all those in this world. My hope, then, is that each person, member of the Church or not, but especially members, will take the time to question all they see and learn in life, because that questioning is what will allow them to ask, to answer, and then to know. 

I can only hope that I will always do the same. 

I was just asking a friend, half in jest, whether she still believed in Santa Claus. Thankfully, she said she still does.

After that comment, she said that she was helping her Dad be Santa for her family this year, she was substituting for santa, wich got me thinking a bit about it in a gospel context.

The Savior, like Santa, is someone who believe in but you never see. Santa comes around each year to give us presents, physical gifts, that are a representation of the appreciation we give or show someone during the holiday season. We play Santa Claus. Santa represents someone good, who separates the good from the bad. He doesn't punish, but rather, withholds gifts when someone hasn't been nice.

In the same way, we are representative of the Savior, But, we do it slightly differently. We show others his love through giving them gifts that the Savior would give them - kindness, love, charity, forgiveness. These are priceless gifts that warm the heart and stir the soul.

That' just a short thought that I had, that we should do our best to be like the Savior and give the best gift we can to those around us. Merry Sunday before Christmas!

I was talking to one of my classmates a few weeks ago, when she exclaimed, "I don't understand why people think it isn't cool to read the news. When I ask them if they've read about this or that and they just laugh and make a joke out of it, it's really frustrating."

I agree with her.

I'm sitting in the library right now, taking a break from the studying I've been trying to get done, and completing projects along the way. Sometimes, it's so time consuming and I don't want to study, I think it is a pain. But, when I really think about it, it really is a privilege.

Don't get me wrong. Tests and exams and projects and final papers are stressful. Someones I wonder how any of us get through all of them. But, here's the thing. It is a blessing to learn. There are those who do not have that choice, to choose going to the library to study, or sit and home and watch a show.  Rather, they are trying to figure out where to get their next meal. Our problems in university are nothing compared to more than 93.3% of the world.

George H. Brimhall, the namesake of the building the communications department is housed, said "It is a sin to be ignorant when there is opportunity for knowledge."

Going back to what my friend said, I believe that is true in every way. We have been given the opportunity and blessing to live on this Earth, to learn, study, and grow. It is up to us, then, to make the most of our time here on this Earth, to learn, and then to impart it to the next generation.

Books are important, school is essential, but general knowledge is perhaps the most important of all.

Why?

What happens in the world each day affects both us and those around us, whether in a minute or more direct way. Because of our background and education, we have the ability to help the less fortunate. However, if we are not educated as to world events, we cannot take the abilities and privileges we have been given and help those in need.

Reading the newspaper is a good thing. Liberal or conservative, we have the responsibility to educate ourselves. We do not have to be ignorant, because news is now really accessible to us. Set your home page to a news website, get an app that sends you updates.

It's easy.

The point is, we have the opportunity for knowledge. Let's take advantage of that.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post about the way women should treat men. When I use those terms to refer to either gender, I am using it, presupposing that those of our age are grown and somewhat mature adults. 

I wrote that post because a girl whom I cared for very dearly had broken my heart, and subsequently, other girls could never match up to her. About a month ago, I started seeing a girl whom I have known for a few years. It's only recently that our friendship had taken a turn towards the romantic side. I thought that I had finally found one who might be better.

After a couple weeks of seeing each other, things started to get rocky, and eventually, she told me that she wasn't feeling it, that she wasn't interested, this after showing signs of affection that would be appropriate with someone who you really like (Mormon appropriate). I don't blame her, I think we all get confused sometimes, and it takes us awhile to figure out how we really feel. 

As my roommate has said before, "The moment I hear the words, 'I think you're a great guy, but...,' my brain just shuts down."

When that girl broke up with me two years ago, her roommate and I had a conversation where she told me that I "wear my heart on my sleeve." I thought about that long and heard, and came to the conclusion that she was saying I show my emotions too easily. Dating, after all, is a game of cat and mouse, and you have to play it, is what she was trying to get at. 

I refuse to believe that. I refuse to. There is no shame in being honest, in saying what you really feel, because that is what love is all about. It's about being open with one another, trusting each other with your hearts. Dating and love are not games, they cannot be games, because the emotions given to us from above are sacred and precious, they are not meant to be toyed with. Rather, they are meant to perfect us, and provide another the security and joy that can come only from one we truly care for. No one deserves that, and we should not accept any less.

I've often wondered why it is some people just click, and for others, it takes years to find the right person. A few good friends of mine and I have dated people on and off since coming home from our missions. One hasn't dated anyone before, another had his engagement broken three weeks before the wedding. In every instance, it wasn't the man doing the breaking up, but rather the girl. When you see women who are treated badly by men, but who still stick with their men, you wonder what that's all about. The question, "Should we just act like jerks?" constantly pops into my mind. 

As the thought goes, "Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all the 'nice guys' are. They're in the friend zone where you left them."

Unfortunately, I don't think that is not part of my disposition.

Sometimes, I really wonder what lies ahead for me. I used to read those Ensign magazine articles where they spoke of those who were still single, giving them advice and words of comfort. I used to scoff at them. The plan was to get home, meet someone, date for a few months, get engaged and be married a year or so after I got home. 

Two and a half years on, reality is far from what I had planned. 

Dating is a heck of a lot harder than I thought it would be. That chemistry is often so one-sided. You wonder if you'll ever find that perfect one, and your heart gets broken over and over again.

But, here's the thing. Though it has been my trial, and the trial of some of those close to me, I will have hope. This section on love from a speech I read provides some of that inspiration. I believe it speaks the truth. 

"The other side of the coin is this: fall in love. 

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. 

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it."

I have no clue what's going to happen in the future. What I can do, though, is to keep trying, no matter how hard or painful it is. We love, to paraphrase the speech, because it makes us better people. I hope then, that there will come the day when that better me finds the person I can be perfect for.

It's 3:30 a.m. right now, and I'm staring at my computer screen.

After getting locked out of the public relations agency room on campus (with my laptop and car keys in there), and having to call campus police to get my stuff, I decided to head home.

Since I have three more stories to write for my advanced reporting class, along with a final presentation and another project, I've spent most of the day developing a restaurant concept that I've been wanting to work on for awhile. Funny how much we start finding other things to do, when there's so much to do.

Blake, my roommate, was telling me that he was doing the exact same thing today, looking at different and completely unrelated career paths today instead of studying.

Here comes the Asian F.

Anyhow, I've been filling up applications to various internships. Yes, even at two in the morning. What's been on my mind the past few days isn't helping though.

What the heck do I want to do with my life?!! There are so many things I know I'd be decent at, but what am I really passionate about?

Food.

I love food.

But, seriously, I'm Asian. I need a real job.

I was chatting with a friend from high school last night. To be honest, I felt rather inadequate. A, as we shall name her, is awesome. She's really nice and sweet, and she's rather attractive too. It gets better.

A runs track for her college, she has a near perfect GPA, she's interned in Hilary Clinton's office, along with a stint at NATO's headquarters in Belgium. She's got some other great offers lined up (which I won't mention to respect her privacy), and oh. She's a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. The LA Times also did a feature story on her.

Wait, WHAT?

What am I doing with my life? Why am I not more driven?

Sure, I've got a decent GPA, I had an amazing internship with Bloomberg this summer, and I can carry a tune, most of the time.

There's this disconnect, I think, between what I am passionate about, with what I want to be good at, and what I'm actually good at.

Let's be honest. My math sucks. When I was studying math with my white roommate from Texas, it was because he was tutoring me, not the other way round. So much for stereotypes.

Anyhow, I'm good at public relations, but I don't know if it's my passion. I like certain facets of it, and actually love certain things in the profession. But, I like finance, I like money. Bloomberg reminded me of that. Bloomberg also reminded me that I can write pretty well. But, I don't want to write for the rest of my life.

I'm applying for internships at multiple places now. I have an offer in hand, but it's in China. I love China, and the company is great. But, do I want to move there when I graduate? Heck, I want to get married. So I'm applying to all these different companies that are really cool. But, I've been applying to investment firms and banks too, and I love that, I'm passionate about finance, about banking.

I love food.

Let's hope that 10 years from now, I've opened up a chain of restaurants based on my concept, I've started a clothing line with my friend, and I have a home in Dallas by White Rock Lake.

Right.

Life is fragile.

I just read a post on my friend's wall about her friend who's in critical condition in the hospital after a serious car accident. Her friend's sister did not survive. It turns out that the sister was a freshman at BYU, and was just traveling for the Thanksgiving break.

Sometimes it is hard to conceive why things like this happen. I have no idea who this girl was, but I can only imagine how much grief and suffering this family must be going through right now. Whenever I read about things like this, it really makes me take a step back to think about where I am at in my life, along with the choices and decisions I am making.

There is so much to do in this life. There is so much to see and do and accomplish. Where do I even begin?

Tagore once said "The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough." 

I've been thinking about this quote for the past couple of days, and it wasn't until I read about that's girl's death that I more fully understand it.

There are so many things for us to choose from, and we have to make decisions, then, that in the moment, make the moment. If we make a decision to to this or do that, then we enjoy that choice, we enjoy what we do in the moment. Sure, we can plan ahead, and we can try and make sure that everything we plan goes according to that timetable. More often than not, though, that will not happen. Something is bound to change the course that we have so carefully crafted for ourselves.

The life span of the average butterfly is only 20-40 days, so each moment counts. That might seem so short, but the butterfly has time enough, because it is all relative to the perspective we have.

So, I think that if we can cherish the moments that make up the hours, days, months, and years, we will have time enough. If we live in the moment, we will prioritize and make the choices that allow us to live a happy and fulfilling life because it will be relative to the perspective that we have in relation to our own lives.

I saw this poster on my newsfeed from another friend.

It makes such a good point. I/we/all of us should and can never be bored because there is so much for us to learn, to do, and to see. Whether it is reading a new book or going out on a walk to think or admire the leaves, the lessons life has to offer are bountiful.

As I'm making decisions about where I should apply for work and all that, and while I'm trying to juggle school, work, and relationships, it might be busy. It is even crazy and stressful. But, I have opportunities that that young girl will never have.

That is my blessing, and yours too. So, carpe diem, seize the day, live your life, because it is a gift. Never be bored, learn, grow, make mistakes, fail, take a wrong turn. At the end of the day, it all comes back in a full circle.

I am alive, and that is AMAZING.