Perception.

From a young age, I've been known in various circles as someone who's happy and bubbly, but perhaps someone who isn't very serious, lacking in maturity or responsibility.

This perception has followed me from high school to my mission, and on to college and the workplace. It's frustrating to me that it's been an issue, though I constantly try to improve. It's feedback I've received from a couple of managers. I've always been chatty, but, to paraphrase what a colleague said to me at dinner the other night, "Sometimes you say stupid shit." It's not exactly what anyone wants to hear, but nevertheless, a point well taken.

While we are blessed with distinct personalities and ought to be ourselves, finding the balance between what talents to optimize and what talents to temper is a tricky business.

On my mission, I had a companion, Elder Palfreyman, who was able to strike that balance. Quiet confidence, or quiet dignity, is one of the bigger lessons I took away from our companionship. In an email he wrote me reflecting on the topic, he said:

"The gist of the matter is that there is a great power in speech, but it is only made powerful by the moments that go unspoken. As important as words are, they can be over-used to the point of making them completely useless.... more often than not, a decorum reflecting quiet dignity is much more desirable for professional settings or even in cultivating higher respect from one's peers."

It's a characteristic I'm working on developing, and trying to be more cognizant of my words and actions.

When they come of age and as they so desire, Mormons receive what is known as a Patriarchal Blessing. In it, a man called especially to this role acts as a conduit of God to give you a blessing that tells you about your life ahead, and provides you words of counsel to help you along the journey in this mortal sphere.

While I don't subscribe to various tenants of the Mormon faith anymore, this is one thing I've clung on too. A friend who's also left the Church made a good point - that any religion has good people who can truly act as messengers of God to us. In the blessing, the Patriarch said:

"Watch what you say, what you think and what you do for you will be judged by these things and your judgment will not only be from the Lord but from those around you. Remember that whatever you do, whatever you say, how you think and what your attitude is will be reflected and obvious to those around you. So be aware of this and do the right things."

I received this blessing when I was 16. More than a decade on, it still rings true. I'm honestly not sure why that's the case - why is what I think and my attitude so obvious to those around me? Is it that obvious or crazy or somehow incongruous with who I'm supposed to be? And, from my perspective - why did God tell me that, what does He want me to learn from this? I guess the only way to find out is by working to change and improve on it.
In that sense, I'm an advocate of letting (and helping) people change, of giving them the benefit of the doubt that they can be a better version of themselves. We come from different backgrounds and experiences, with strengths and fallibilities and some are I guess, more obvious than others. I'm working to be more conscious of how I act and what I say. I hope I can change the perception people have of me as a bubbly goof-off to a bubbly mature person, and I'd love your help along the way.