I don't often cut and paste a whole speech, but this really inspired me, and provided me with a fresh perspective on what matters most, and what we should do to pursue our dreams. I hope this gives you a fresh perspective on life and inspires you as much as it has inspired me. 

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process”and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

"Care a little more for the people who care for you," said my Mom. 


She was frustrated, and I didn't really understand why till she made that comment. I had been trying to plan a trip with my aunt, and when planning the flights, I did it in such a way that would be more beneficial to me, and that would perhaps inconvenience her a bit more. It wasn't a huge thing, and it properly wouldn't alter our lives drastically, but it changed my perspective of who matters most. 


It reminded me why we have our families, and why we must love them with a fierce love. 


Humans have this wonderful capacity to love, and it's wonderful, it makes the world go round. But, it is also dangerous. For within that love comes the ability to hurt someone so much more. It is only when we love that deeply that the pain can sink that much deeper into the crater of the heart. 


My parents have always loved me so much, and I think that I take that for granted, more than I'm often willing to admit. My mother's sacrifice, to me, is beyond comprehension. I just forget it, though. Whenever I'm reminded of her sacrifices, I am ashamed, and then quickly forget once again. She always nags, and I attribute that to her being my mother, and then also being Asian. I mean, come on, I'm 23, and here I am being nagged about my grades, and being told to eat properly. It's those little things that bug the crud out of me, but in my more humble moments, the times when those little things remind me of just how much my mother loves me. 


I'm an only child, so friends are extremely important to me. But here's one thing I've learned. Except for a select few, friends come and go, but your family is ALWAYS there for you. They will do anything for you. That's the point, though. Because we know they'll always be there for us, we feel we can forget about them for a time, and they'll be there when we want to come back. Not the case. Love is infinite, but not definite. 


As I was driving to pick my friend up a couple hours ago, this other thought popped into my head, "the ones we love the most are the ones we treat the worst."

"Why?" I thought. "Why am I getting these thoughts thrown at me?"

In pondering, I think we don't realize that we do that a lot of the time, I mean, love them less than they should be loved. And, while I'm not suggesting that any of us are treating our loved ones in an abusive way, but the neglect we relegate to those who love us so much is more destructive than the physical wars we see around us. The wars that can completely destroy a life rage within the soul.

In some small way, I got to thinking about my own life and experiences I've had with that. The girls I've dated or tried to date are wonderful, but there's something that I've noticed with a few of them that irks me just a little.

When girls know you like them, they either reciprocate it, ignore it, or, they use it to their advantage because they know the boy who's head over heels for them would do almost anything for them. While it might be laughable or idiotic to see a guy fall so hard for a girl, there's also something to it, that a man is willing to open himself up to that love. Sadly, some girls use it to their advantage and treat those men like lap dogs. I wonder why that is the case.

I think I'm guilty doing that with some of my friends too though, the ones who are there through think and thin. Better change those ways.

I hope that as I come to more fully understand what it means to love, that I will care more for those who care for me, and hope that I find a woman one day who reciprocates that love.

Well, I've been terrible at updating this blog.

This is the first time in almost a week that I've been able to sit down and take a breather. What does that mean? It's also the first time I've sat down this wek and said, "I really want to watch some TV!"

I really really want to watch some TV right now. Really.

But, I can't. I guess I'll just have to pick up another book to read! I just finished one a couple days ago, so that's one good ting that's already come from Lent! People have periodically asked me over the past week why I'm doing it, and I just have to explain that it's something I want to do! It's helping me to get other things done that I otherwise wouldn't have.

I have a confession to make. I've been wasting more time online, and I've still been terrible at journal writing, reading my scriptures, and grading papers for my TA job.

But, I came across a scripture in the book I was reading, that got me thinking about the use of my time here on this Earth. In the book, a father lovingly teaches his son not to waste his time on Earth, and quotes the parable of the unprofitable servant in Matthew 25: 14-30.

For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I've pondered on that the past couple of days, and have wondered whether or not I have spent my life truly developing those talents God has given me. There are so many things to do, to accomplish. But, what is most important? When I meet God again one day, will I have to confess the one talent he gave me, or will I be able to say I developed it, or them i the way He wanted me to?

I've spent the better part of the week chasing down sources for stories and writing them, and also trying to get the rest of my schoolwork in. That has been profitable in itself. But, there are times when I have just lazed around and not really dome anything, even with all I have to do. While I know I should run faster than I have strength, I know I have gifts that I can use to benefit my fellow-men.

I was watching an I'm A Mormon video the other day, where the girl in it, Lisa Adachi, said, "service is not just a series of acts, but a lifestyle." It was then that I realized what has been missing in my life. I need to do more service. I need to serve others with what I have been given.

On Saturday, I covered a story in the projects in Provo, where they were hosting a safety awareness event. The people there have so little, and have so many issus to deal with, whether financially, emotionally, or physically. It was a somber reminder that there are so many people in the world who need help. When I went to cover a story on BYU basketball's Coach Rose, we talked about the charity he's hoping to win some money for. I met Natalie, a girl who benefits from the foundation. She had brian cancer, and is currently in remission. Though she has some physical deformities, she was still so upbeat and determined, and wanting to help others who are going through the same thing.

I'm slightly ashamed of myself. How can I be preparing for Easter, for the celebration of God's greatest gift, when I'm not doing anything myself to live just a little like he did. That's something I intend on changing.

So, what kinds of service do you participate in? What brings you true happiness? (These aren't rhetorical questions!)

Coach Rose, with his wife Cheryl, along with Dana and Natalie. 

Talk about a busy day. The PRSSA conference was great, and I have a plethora of tweets that you can read.

I guess this weekend isn't the best example of how I am purposefully giving up Lent, but it should be  better next week. On the other hand, reading is taking up a lot of my time now.

Oh, the trade-offs.

Today made me realize that there were two things that I might have considered giving up more than TV - social media and dating. 

1. Social Media
Today was busy, I had a good amount of schoolwork to get done, but then I got distracted by Facebook and Twitter and a plethora of other social media sites.

No, I wasn't watching videos, but it just seemed so easy to browse online. I ended up wasting a couple hours doing that, and figuring out some blog issues. By the time I had figured it out, I had to go get ready for a PR conference, so that was that.

I've recently wrote a blog post for one of my classes about the distractions we face in the world today, about how media envelopes our lives. It is soooo useful, I can get so much done by collabarating on it, sharing ideas, pictures and any number of useful things. But - trust me: if I didn't need it for my classes, I would be getting rid of social media for the next 40 days.
 

2. Dating
It's a frustrating thing, at least for me. Tonight, this girl who I really liked, told me that it might have worked out, but the timing was off, so she didn't want to pursue it. She had some good reasons, and I understand them, but it still hurt.

If I gave up dating for 40 days, I'd probably have more than 60 hours of free time, my wallet would weigh a little less, and I would be carefree. But, I like girls. And so, I date. But, it is frustratingly discouraging, more so when you like the girl and you thought it might have worked out.

Questions of the Day:
So, do you think social media takes up too much of our time? And, is dating worth the pain?

Here's my viewpoint about Lent, also some thoughts on it.

Though I didn't have ashes placed on my forehead yesterday, I hope that I was able to do that symbolically as I pondered on the meaning and significance of Lent.


Here's a little thought from a town paper: "Giving something up helps me become a better person," said Tony Forgille, who is abstaining from sweets during Lent. He also hopes to eat healthier foods this season. "The ashes remind me of my mortality and that I need to try to do a better job at being a better person. Giving something up helps me actually do that."

As I was finishing up my work for the day in the newsroom, I turned to the girl next to me and asked: "What am I going to do when I go home?"

I'm normally so used to getting back and watching an episode or two of something to take a break and wind down. This time, I had to think.

What did I do? I read a book.

All this time, I had been thinking I had no time to read, but the only thing between me and my books was where I assigned my time and placed my priorities. The same goes with a lot of the things that I've wanted to get done.

I still have to get my time sorted out just a bit better, but I'm realizing that not everything can be perfect in just one day. It is a gradual process, that's why there are those 40 days. 

Looks like my favorite author did it again.

I read, and it was good.

Question of the Day:
Are you participating in Lent? What have you decided to give up?

I spent the weekend trying to brainstorm and write an opinion piece for my school newspaper on Lent.
Talk about writer's block. Despite sitting down multiple times to try and type it out, nothing would come. From reading my Bible to stuff on the Internet, it wasn't working.

Bit by bit, I guess it came together. Having writer's block perhaps wasn't the worst thing. In thinking through it multiple times, I was able to read more about what Lent is about, and was able to ponder on what I want to give up in my life that will help me to lead a more productive and fulfilling life.

As the clock struck midnight, I decided this Ash Wednesday that I would give up soda and television.

Soda was the automatic thought, then I realized that it was a total cop out. Soda would be way too easy to give up. What was something that would actually make a change and difference in my life? If it hurt too much, then it probably wasn't good for me anyway.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lent, this explains it. The Catholic Church's Constitution on Sacred Liturgy says:

"It is by means of them that the Church prepares the faithful for the celebration of Easter, while they hear God's word more frequently and devote more time to prayer."

As cheesy as it sounds, I really feel that Lent will give me the opportunity to take a step back and look at how I can use my time more wisely, and cut down on my sugar intake. More than that, I get to see how good my self-control is, whether or not I can find something else to do that's more fulfilling. I've always thought I didn't have time to read books or my scriptures, go to the gym, or get my work done.

But then, I did this calculation:

1.5 hours of television a day*40 days = 60 hours.

60 hours of time to read, to reflect, to exercise more.

I've been getting a few "But you're Mormon, not Catholic" responses to my Lenten fast. Yes, I'm not. But, the same principle applies.

The traditional purpose of Lent is the penitential preparation of the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events of the Passion of Christ on Good Friday, which then culminates in the celebration on Easter Sunday of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I hope that through this,  I'll have more time to prepare myself for Easter, to sacrifice just a little to, in a little way, understand what Christ had to sacrifice. But, he overcame it all, he came back, a resurrected being.

I definitely won't have that happen to me, but hopefully, I'll be just that little bit better.

In a survey conducted in 1939, it showed what the 18 most sought-after characteristics men looked for in prospective wives. Seventy years later, they did another survey, and the results, while unsurprising, show a discouraging trend of what matters most to men.

I'm taking a marriage and family class right now, where we've been discussing what we look for in future spouses. I wonder what this diagram would look like for a class at BYU. 

What do you look for?